My Reflections on Moral Letters to Seneca - Vol. 3

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It's been a long time since I posted the most recent set of reflections. I have been busy with dealing with many things and emotions. Here we are.

On the Blush of Modesty

I have not much reflection of this other than that stage fright can happen to anyone in a novel setting. Seneca just advises Lucilius to think of someone he looks up to when doing a public speech and the like. Perhaps doing some Toastmaster training can help me with this. Stage fright cannot be quelled, it can only be hidden well with enough training. Confidence is what matters the most. It's only human to be nervous in a novel or public setting.

On Old Age

Seneca vents out how his old estate appears near-dilapidated despite his age-old estate caretaker doing his best to maintain it. He suddenly realised the passing of time as he looks at his estate. He talks about living life to the fullest; young and old alike shall look Death in the face. He also talks about Pacivius who hold his "funeral" everyday just to say he is living his life to the fullest.

"I have lived; the course which Fortune set for me; Is finished"

Pacivius utters it every time. It's like "Memento mori" taken into extreme. But then again, there is rejoice for every hour and day that passes (unless you live in depression or you live in a concentration camp whose gateway says "Arbeit mach frei", and the like).

"It is wrong to live under constraint; but no man is constrained to live under constraint."

Seneca said. I just have to do what I can do with those constraints given. Whatever it may be.

"A soul is much like a curse. And those with strong souls must bear within themselves an even stronger curse. "

I am reminded of this item, King's Ring, description in the game Dark Souls 2. I just wonder if my souls was that too strong. Even if I am older than I look, I'll eventually stare Death in the face.

On Philosophy, The Guide of Life

The gist of this letter is mostly Seneca advising Lucilius to face life (and adversities) with wisdom by philosophy. Of how riches can lead to endless greed. The letter resounds the adages "Know thyself" and "The unexamined life is not worth living."

Human mostly use sight to describe anything. "To see is to believe", "The beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", "What you see is what you get", and other sayings connected to visions are what I had in mind. In my 8th grade, I was pondering about light and dark... and optics. I compiled my own aphorisms in a yellow notebook. That's when I know I was dabbling into philosophy. I was struggling to comprehend the encyclopedia entry for epistemology and metaphysics back then. It had gone on until I finished high school at 10th grade. (There was no K12 in my time yet.)

At college, I was getting myself acquainted with Nietzche's philosophy due to stumbling upon a random website page with a title "40 Belief-Shaking Remarks From a Ruthless Nonconformist"; I was using a site called "stumbleupon.com" when I discovered it. I was a bit amazed so I read "Beyond Good and Evil" and "Human, All Too Human" in PDF form. Edgy teenagers mistook him for being a Nihilist due to the "edginess" of his works, but Nietzche himself fights his own emptiness; they misunderstood him. This is the time my cynicism grows too much. The 48 Laws of Power and the Art of Seduction didn't help and made me more cynical; it only helped me how to survive a bit. With each disappointment did my cynicism grow.

Years after, I became more pessimistic and cynical. I wasn't able to finish my degree due to burnout and some deep hubris. I was always a lone wolf even in my college projects. I failed to team up with others and overlo--neglected the limits of my mental energy and time. By that time, I was battling with my own executive dysfunction and procrastination. When I was about to do a task, I feel an inexplicable stinging pain in my mind and soul. This time, in desperation, I turned to Buddhism. I was reading the Gateless Gate and other Buddhist text. Fortunately on those 2 years, I still managed to hone my skills as a software developer and land a job with the help of my family and a group of IT professionals called Phackers. I found my first job on their "jobs" channel in their chat server. I also found my set of college friends, my peers. I also found some mentors for my IT skills.

The woes didn't end. I was dealing with a mild depression. The same mind plagued with overthinking and overengineering persists. I was still thinking too deeply. Due to company merging, long commutes, redundancy, voluntary company suspension, and retrenchment, I've been in 5 jobs under 2 years worth of work experience. I was dealing with an inexplicable loneliness. Social media worsened it. I became more cynical; both IRL and online, I am seeing the worst of human nature and society. I knew how to socialise with people but I am severely inept with romantic endeavors despite having an aptitude for the arts and literature. Since Sekiro was released I discovered what kind of emotion I usually have, it has no English name; I learned the word 怨嗟 (ensa). It translates to deeply held resentment. I somehow found a relatable character who was consumed by it and eventually turned into a demon.

In the later years, I discovered Woebot who introduced me to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and cognitive distortions; it somewhat helped me to keep me in check... that's when I discovered Stoicism, where CBT is based on. The cognitive distortions include Fortune Telling, Catastrophizing, Mind Reading and other things arising from the need of security and survival.

To this day, I somehow improved and felt better, but ensa resurges no matter how I let go of it. I just have to keep it in check. I somehow managed to go on and press on due to some philosophies. My work experience and self-studying endeavours honed my skills sharper than ever to the point I can mentor some beginners despite not being a Master.

My favorite word, to this day, still saves me from insanity and suicide: "Perhaps".

Epistles to a Software Developer: Abstraction

[Originally written on February 28, 2020]

Dear Eri,


Greetings! How do you do today?

“Registration” Think of what exactly happens when you register a thing. It involves three steps: accepting submitted information, recording it, and storing it. Three steps described in one word. If I say “grooming kit”, what do you imagine? List all the items in your bag? Baby powder? Lipstick? Face powder? Mascara? Hand sanitiser? The list may never end and may vary person to person.

You see, describing multiple things in one word is a timeless technique called abstraction. See how one word is jam-packed with ideas? If I say “Shopping Mall” or “Winemaking”, sensations will gush into your mind; bonus if your imagination is vivid. Abstraction is derived from the Latin word “abstrahere” which means “to draw or pull away”. Drawing a pack of things requires a handle or something to hold on, which is your one word (or phrase) to describe a cohesive collection of things such as a “music band” or brewing a coffee.

Take note that things can be contained in a word, phrase, or a sentence. You might be asking “What is ‘abstraction’ in software development”? If you remember what I taught you about IPO, you can abstract the example I gave you in one phrase: “Temperature Conversion”. Since whitespaces are not available when naming a variable or a user-defined function, name it as “convertCelsiusToFahrenheit” or whatever perfectly describes the function. Abstraction will be your bread and butter when it comes to writing software. Most things are abstractions of abstractions. One word like a function name describes a series of steps… and those steps are called function calls which also describes a series of steps… the deeper you go, the higher your mental energy depletes. Not intrinsic to OOP, but you’ll do this mostly when you do OOP. Abstractions, when done right, make a beautiful readable code.

Let’s go back to “Registration”; as an exercise, see that “accepting”, “recording”, and “storing” are abstractions abstracted by “registration”. Let’s start with “accepting”, the steps to accept the thing is to receive it, validate it, and let it in. Well then, how do you record a thing? Vinyl? Paper? Photograph? Neural implants? There’s so many ways, but choose what suits your requirements. The data from “accepting” is used by “recording” then by “storing”. Grab a pen and paper and list all the logical steps to “accept”, “record”, and “store”. I expect that you’ll draw a “tree” or a “ramifactive” image. Align all the items by their “level” as you write them. After exhausting your imagination, please explain what “Layers of Abstraction” is, strictly from your experience from the exercise. No references other than your mind and memories. How many layers will you make?



Cheers,

Haytham Merger