My Reflections on Moral Letters to Seneca - Vol. 3

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It's been a long time since I posted the most recent set of reflections. I have been busy with dealing with many things and emotions. Here we are.

On the Blush of Modesty

I have not much reflection of this other than that stage fright can happen to anyone in a novel setting. Seneca just advises Lucilius to think of someone he looks up to when doing a public speech and the like. Perhaps doing some Toastmaster training can help me with this. Stage fright cannot be quelled, it can only be hidden well with enough training. Confidence is what matters the most. It's only human to be nervous in a novel or public setting.

On Old Age

Seneca vents out how his old estate appears near-dilapidated despite his age-old estate caretaker doing his best to maintain it. He suddenly realised the passing of time as he looks at his estate. He talks about living life to the fullest; young and old alike shall look Death in the face. He also talks about Pacivius who hold his "funeral" everyday just to say he is living his life to the fullest.

"I have lived; the course which Fortune set for me; Is finished"

Pacivius utters it every time. It's like "Memento mori" taken into extreme. But then again, there is rejoice for every hour and day that passes (unless you live in depression or you live in a concentration camp whose gateway says "Arbeit mach frei", and the like).

"It is wrong to live under constraint; but no man is constrained to live under constraint."

Seneca said. I just have to do what I can do with those constraints given. Whatever it may be.

"A soul is much like a curse. And those with strong souls must bear within themselves an even stronger curse. "

I am reminded of this item, King's Ring, description in the game Dark Souls 2. I just wonder if my souls was that too strong. Even if I am older than I look, I'll eventually stare Death in the face.

On Philosophy, The Guide of Life

The gist of this letter is mostly Seneca advising Lucilius to face life (and adversities) with wisdom by philosophy. Of how riches can lead to endless greed. The letter resounds the adages "Know thyself" and "The unexamined life is not worth living."

Human mostly use sight to describe anything. "To see is to believe", "The beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", "What you see is what you get", and other sayings connected to visions are what I had in mind. In my 8th grade, I was pondering about light and dark... and optics. I compiled my own aphorisms in a yellow notebook. That's when I know I was dabbling into philosophy. I was struggling to comprehend the encyclopedia entry for epistemology and metaphysics back then. It had gone on until I finished high school at 10th grade. (There was no K12 in my time yet.)

At college, I was getting myself acquainted with Nietzche's philosophy due to stumbling upon a random website page with a title "40 Belief-Shaking Remarks From a Ruthless Nonconformist"; I was using a site called "stumbleupon.com" when I discovered it. I was a bit amazed so I read "Beyond Good and Evil" and "Human, All Too Human" in PDF form. Edgy teenagers mistook him for being a Nihilist due to the "edginess" of his works, but Nietzche himself fights his own emptiness; they misunderstood him. This is the time my cynicism grows too much. The 48 Laws of Power and the Art of Seduction didn't help and made me more cynical; it only helped me how to survive a bit. With each disappointment did my cynicism grow.

Years after, I became more pessimistic and cynical. I wasn't able to finish my degree due to burnout and some deep hubris. I was always a lone wolf even in my college projects. I failed to team up with others and overlo--neglected the limits of my mental energy and time. By that time, I was battling with my own executive dysfunction and procrastination. When I was about to do a task, I feel an inexplicable stinging pain in my mind and soul. This time, in desperation, I turned to Buddhism. I was reading the Gateless Gate and other Buddhist text. Fortunately on those 2 years, I still managed to hone my skills as a software developer and land a job with the help of my family and a group of IT professionals called Phackers. I found my first job on their "jobs" channel in their chat server. I also found my set of college friends, my peers. I also found some mentors for my IT skills.

The woes didn't end. I was dealing with a mild depression. The same mind plagued with overthinking and overengineering persists. I was still thinking too deeply. Due to company merging, long commutes, redundancy, voluntary company suspension, and retrenchment, I've been in 5 jobs under 2 years worth of work experience. I was dealing with an inexplicable loneliness. Social media worsened it. I became more cynical; both IRL and online, I am seeing the worst of human nature and society. I knew how to socialise with people but I am severely inept with romantic endeavors despite having an aptitude for the arts and literature. Since Sekiro was released I discovered what kind of emotion I usually have, it has no English name; I learned the word 怨嗟 (ensa). It translates to deeply held resentment. I somehow found a relatable character who was consumed by it and eventually turned into a demon.

In the later years, I discovered Woebot who introduced me to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and cognitive distortions; it somewhat helped me to keep me in check... that's when I discovered Stoicism, where CBT is based on. The cognitive distortions include Fortune Telling, Catastrophizing, Mind Reading and other things arising from the need of security and survival.

To this day, I somehow improved and felt better, but ensa resurges no matter how I let go of it. I just have to keep it in check. I somehow managed to go on and press on due to some philosophies. My work experience and self-studying endeavours honed my skills sharper than ever to the point I can mentor some beginners despite not being a Master.

My favorite word, to this day, still saves me from insanity and suicide: "Perhaps".

My Reflections on Moral Letters to Seneca - Vol. 2

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Good day! February has come. This will be a bit lenghty. About my copy of the book, I bought it on January 21, 2024. Anyway, here are my reflections.

On Sharing Knowledge

It is in my nature to share knowledge. Seneca here shares the joy of sharing knowledge to friends especially to his dear Lucilius. I am quite a voracious reader. In my school, elementary, high school, and college, I usually gain a reputation of being a walking encyclopedia, even in the infancy of Web 1.0. I always frequented the library. I truly grateful to my father who bought a set of encyclopedias from a peddler around 2000s. I learned many things like how poisonous a biting a dumb cane is, colors of the flames burnt from different kind of chemical powders, what a parent must do when they find suspicious fluids on their children's underpants, how printers mix 4 kinds of ink to make an image colored, and the like. I also share my father and older brother's love of documentaries. Even now, some of the kids in my neighborhood call me "Kuyang Matalino" ([Tagalog] Knowledgeable Big Brother)

My profession is Information Technology, I do software development. Despite not getting a degree, I still manage to earn a livelihood that pays well... due to my endeavour of self-studying.  Along the way of being a software developer and "hacking", I met some friends along the way with similar profession. I belong several groups of IT professionals which includes Progatory, Pinoy IT Geeks/Pontus Cognito, PHackers. I met them online and now we share knowledge more than ever.

I also have some mentees, one is a nephew of a woman whom I had relation with, one is my childhood neighbor and her thesis groupmates, one is my cousin who also aspires to be an IT expert and his younger brother being into multimedia art. By teaching, I understand my skills and knowledge more.

I truly relate with Seneca's joy of pursuing knowledge and sharing it.

On Crowds

Seneca starts with his usual feelings when he is in a crowd, as if they are a thing to deal with. There will be times we are ought to blend in the crowd.

"Certainly, the greater the mob with which we mingle, the greater the danger."

This reminds me of Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.". Think about the stampedes, some sudden terrorists, etc. But, Seneca talks about how he will become a "changed" man but in a wrong way. It's as if he's some sort of a stereotypical introvert despite being a politician. It's as if he's agoraphobic, I don't know.

He talks lengthily about the people of the arena, the audience. They enjoy watching fights, witnessing gore, being enthralled with action, cheering, occasionally seeing some wild beasts. Today, it is akin to an MMA match minus the beasts, the people's cruelty, and daily deaths... and the fighters are voluntarily in the arena. Similar enjoyment can also be seen in a NBA or FIFA World Cup. Hell, even in a cockfight arena. Even a huge bickering on social media by the celebrities create a similar atmosphere.

The arena usually has someone who committed a crime and now "entertains" the people on their high ground (if you know where they usually sit). Even now, some people are harboring morbid curiosity, it'll be evident when you show them a random gory motorcycle accident on an internet video.

The death arena people irks Seneca. He is horrified of these people that he would want to save the wayward guy who ended being an entertainer in the arena. He realises how cruel the people are. He also talks about the horror of human nature when it comes to riches or being slanderous... to the point that he feels that he should "imitate or loathe" the world, but he recommends to do neither.

The best course of action is to mingle with select people who brings out the best in you. Neither be a people pleaser nor try to win the heart of the crowd. It's better to cultivate oneself. It's better to improve own knowledge and wisdom and to share it with friends. One's best qualities shall always face inward, he tells Lucilius. Say, you want to hone your software development skills, do so and eventually you'll find friends of the same cloth like I did.

On Philosophy and Friendship

This is the most lengthy one I have read so far. He is talking about the debate on what a "self-sufficient" man is. Some say it is being immune to suffering; some say it is feeling suffering but being able to overcome suffering. He talks about equanimity. A self-sufficient man can be equanimous when he loses a limb or a friend, but the same man has a sense of self-preservation and a desire to keep and make friends.

He warns Lucilius about the "fair-weather friends", those are present only in time of convenience. Then are also "friends" that one may get when one is rich, powerful, or holds something of great value. When they make friends of someone, they are merely "bargaining". A self-sufficient man befriends someone for the sake of it. It's like seeing some beauty hardly can anyone behold.

A wise man isn't the one who isolates himself or anything. That man is sufficient for a happy existence rather than mere existence. This reminds me of Covey's book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. He emphasises interdependence over independence. A wise man may be independent, but he can also be interdependent; he can still ask for help with anything no matter what.

"... for a happy existence, he needs only a sound and upright soul, one that despises Fortune."

I interpret this as living with people well.

The latter half of the letter talks about being self-sufficient to the point of overcoming misery, loneliness, emptiness, and the like. It's easier said than done. Corollary to this is contentment. This is quite similar to the Buddhist teachings. One may have cravings, but it does not necessarily mean that one will be too driven or devoured by it. One may feel a want to make friends, yet not being driven by loneliness. I had that kind of feeling where I wanted to make friends with someone due a deep emptiness within me that causes some sort of harsh loneliness. The keyword I set here is desperation. One must avoid being too desperate to make friends, in turn, it leads to a want of accolades and what not.

"Unblest is he who thinks himself is unblest"

Speaking from experience, I suffered a similar fate. I may be the "Bearer of the Curse", yet I still managed to go on and cultivate what I need to cultivate. I am blest to not have ended up myself and still manage to practice my profession. Now I am less pessimistic, less nihilistic, and less cynical.

Speaking of desperation. There's this movement called "incels", a support group who helps anyone with psychological challenges when it comes to finding a love partner. Sooner or later, some people who crave not only love, but also sex, has hijacked the term for themselves. These group of guys also called "incels" are too driven not only by loneliness but also severe frustration that it corrupted their souls. They formed an echo chamber where they hold misogynistic views, objectify women too much, being too entitled, forgot what "consent" really means, fantasies of sexual violation against... too many to mention. One of their well-known patron saint is Elliot Rogers who, due to his frustrations, ended up 3 men, 3 women from a house supposed to be full of women... I don't know his total body count. Despite having the looks, he still didn't get a girlfriend despite having the capacity to do so. Show someone, who doesn't know him, his face and I bet someone will find him attractive, but he gave into his vanity and the rest is history. This is what happens when one neglect one's soul. They have gone beyond desperation. In this case, these later "incels" found the wrong friends. One may pray for their redemption. This is one of the dangers this letter reminds me of.

"Please be kind to yourself" the thought resounds. Do not give in to any desperation. 

My Reflections on Moral Letters to Seneca - Vol. 1

A quick background: I acquired a book published by HarperCollins. Along with someone, I bought it in a Fully Booked bookstore somewhere in the Mall of Asia. She has her own copy and she recommends me to read well the book as might as well write my reflections on it. The book is well known as Letters from a Stoic.

I hereby section it per letter.

On Discursiveness in Reading

Seneca talks about reading literature in general as well as having mentors through a book. One must choose their books well. It is not good to have more books than what you can read as an individual. It is unwise to jump from book to book. If you are reading a book such as Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, better to finish it thoroughly than reading two or more books at once. Of course, there will be students writing their research papers but it is for another topic. There are also books where you read only a particular chapter of it for reference, like an encyclopedia or Greene's 48 Laws of Power, they are out of this scope.

Being too desultory means jumping to one thing or another. The word itself has it roots in a Latin word for a 'skipper'. Its dictionary meaning tells us that it's a lack of plan or purpose. Jumping from one book to another is a desultoriness. Seneca tells us that it is a sign of a troubled mind. Moving too much will cause a lack of firmness. It's better to do things one at a time. He also tells Lucilius to choose his mentors well, and to not have too much. It's basically what we call 'filtering' to take care of your mind and senses in this digital age. In this digital age where something like YouTube serves a deluge of videos, you better choose your channels carefully. Take care not to be sucked in by the algo. This letter is still relevant to this age.

On True and False Friendship

In this letter, Seneca talks about friendship in general. In the latter half of the letter, he warns Lucilius about oversharing to strangers and being too tacit from his friends. One shall not be both. If one needs to tell a friend something, it must be said. I remember some fools in Facebook sharing their relationship problems with their friends or significant others; it occurs more than what you might think.

"It is equally faulty to trust everyone and to trust no one." he said.

On the Philosopher's Mean

He talks about some philosophers here who do not blend with the environment, those who are trying too hard to be ascetic. They are also the ones who neglect their basic hygiene and being too ostentatious about being nonconforming. It reminds me of the Internet Atheists with their fedora and their neckbeard. It also reminds me of these stereotypical angry 3rd Wave Feminists and their bright hair and piercings all over the place. For fairness, I'll also include these ultra-Trad or Alt-right people who doesn't even workout and being too misogynistic. They share the common traits of being unkempt and ostentatious... also include being irritatingly smug. 

There are also concerns about the ones who does not live in the present, the ones who do think too much ahead, and the ones who ruminates too much. It is quite similar to the troubled mind discussed in On Discursiveness in Reading. This speaks "chill out will ya?".